Everyone makes mistakes in relationships at one time or another. Sometimes they learn from those mistakes. Other times, they return to those behaviors and cycle through failed relationship after failed relationship. Sometimes those behaviors become an addiction to love that may leave a person feeling unhappy, unfulfilled, lonely, or worse. Lesbian Love Addiction: Understanding the Urge to Merge and How to Heal When Things Go Wrong makes visible the elements of love addiction that many lesbians suffer from.
Love addiction for lesbians comes in many forms. Some struggle by sexually acting out and others are serial relationship junkies, jumping from one relationship into the next. Some are addicted to the high of falling in love and once that wears off don't know how to handle the day-to-day realities of a committed relationship. Some may avoid intimate or sexual relationships all together, becoming sexually anorexic. Some may even vacillate between all of these. The underlying component and common denominator in all of these scenarios is the "urge to merge."
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Lauren D. Costine offers insight for lesbians, bisexual women in relationships with women, queer women, and more specifically, any woman who loves women, as well as their family and friends, and health care professionals, into the psychology of lesbian love addiction. It will give those who struggle with and suffer from love addiction ways to understand, cope, and heal from this debilitating addiction. It will give those who work with this population new tools to use to do this more effectively. Mostly, it will help lesbians understand their relationship failures and how to heal from problems associated with them, so they may grow and cultivate happier, more fulfilling connections in the future.
Lauren Costine, PhD, is an LA-based therapist specializing in therapy with for lesbians. In addition to her therapeutic practice, Costine is an educator, activist, administrator, and author. She is currently the Chief Clinician and Founder of The LGBT-Affirmative Track at BLVD Treatment Centers – an intensive outpatient treatment center in Hollywood.
“With excellent research, Costine offers sound theory and practice for lesbians suffering from addictive love and sex. A wonderful resource and a much needed addition to the emerging literary canon for women.” — Kelly McDaniel, LPC, NCC, Author of Ready to Heal: Breaking Free of Addictive Relationships“
Lauren has cracked the code to why so many of my family, friends and clients attach the way they do – in spite of the results. She then prescribes a new way of doing that is understandable and actionable. Brava!” — Brad Lamm, CIP, Founder of Breathe Life Healing Centers; Author of How to Help the One You Love“
Nothing aids recovery more than the deep identification between one addict and another addict. Costine's thoughtful and well-researched book gives me the opportunity to see love addiction through a ‘lesbian lens,’ to better identify with and help even more women.” — Ethlie Ann Vare, author of Love Addict: Sex Romance and Other Dangerous Drugs (2011)“
This book fills a critical gap in the literature on sex and love addiction. Costine uses research and field knowledge to shine a light in a problem area that desperately needs to be addressed, and her examples make the reading easily accessible for all. It's a welcome resource for professionals, lesbian love addicts, and their loved ones.” — Samantha Smithstein, PsyD, licensed clinical and forensic psychologist